Hi everyone, this is Dave Booda. For the sake of transparency I’ve created this page to list everything I’ve done in the realm of growth, development and exploration when it comes to relationships, intimacy and sex over the past 15 years. If you have any questions or think any information is missing or inaccurate, please email me at davebooda@gmail.com
- I was born in 1982 and grew up in upper-middle class suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts. My family is Armenian-American, my last name is Boodakian, but I used “Dave Booda” for my music career and once I put it on Facebook it stuck.
- After high school I attended and graduated from the United States Naval Academy. After graduation I moved to San Diego, California and spent five years serving as a U.S. Navy Officer. My core understanding and framing of leadership, relationships and morality comes from this experience. While the military has it’s flaws, I look back on those nine years with a lot of gratitude for what I learned and the moral foundation it provided.
- I wrote an essay called “Things I Wish They Told Me at the Naval Academy” that includes many leadership lessons learned and speaks about my experience in the fleet as an officer.
- In October 2009, around the time I was getting out of the Navy, I went to a Pick Up Artist Boot Camp, held by a company called “Real Social Dynamics”.
- I have a lot to say about the Pick Up Artist community. It’s rooted in an overly reductive way of seeing men and women that I don’t ascribe to, and most of the leaders in that community were (in my opinion) not good role models for men. That being said, I met some wonderful people there, learned some important lessons about myself and it was undoubtedly a part of my journey, especially in the first couple years.
- From 2010 to 2015 I ran a co-led a men’s group called The Mission. It was comprised of a lot of men from the Pick Up Artist community, and our intention to create a hybrid social club and container for us to do deeper, more emotional-centered work. We ended up with about 30-40 active members, and those are friendships I have to this day. We helped each other grow and we explored growth in the area of purpose, health, wealth and relationships.
- This piece called “In Defense of Pick Up Artists” speaks to a little bit of my thoughts on the Pick Up Artist community.
- I have a lot to say about the Pick Up Artist community. It’s rooted in an overly reductive way of seeing men and women that I don’t ascribe to, and most of the leaders in that community were (in my opinion) not good role models for men. That being said, I met some wonderful people there, learned some important lessons about myself and it was undoubtedly a part of my journey, especially in the first couple years.
- From 2010-2015 I studied the work of David Deida and took part in many men’s groups that had similar values. I also attended two 3-day intensives led by David in 2011 and 2015. In 2015 I parted ways with that body of work, and I wrote a piece explaining my thoughts, it’s still relevant and it’s called “Before You Read ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ Read This“
- For a longer conversation about my relationship to both the Pick Up Artist community and David Deida’s work (and how they are surprisingly linked) I recommend this interview I did with Cam Fraser.
- From 2010-2014 I got mentorship and counseling from a man named David Cates. We talked every week for about 4 years and in 2014 I went to live with him in Bali, along with 10-12 other folks from San Diego and Seattle area. We all lived in a big house and practiced tantra and drama together. I have very fond memories of that time, and in total I was in Bali for about 5 months. I feel incredibly lucky to get to have worked with David Cates for so long, he became like a second father to me, and was essential in shaping who I am today.
- In 2011 I met Reid Mihalko, we became friends a few years later and are still close today. I consider him one of my biggest influences, and I am incredibly grateful for everything I’ve learned from him. In many ways he’s like my older brother. Reid has been an integral part of IntimacyFest and has been the main guest teacher in 2015, 2016, 2017 and 2019.
- In 2011 I attended HAI (Human Awareness Institute) Level 1 weekend training in at Harbin Hot Springs in California. I had a good experience, but haven’t continued to be part of that community.
- From 2011 to 2015 I attended the Burning Man festival 5 times and in 2012 I met Paula. We were together from 2012-2016 and hosted hundreds of events in the area of connection, intimacy and personal growth. Her influence on me and the way it helped me grow not just personally, but as a facilitator cannot be understated. I was extremely lucky to be partnered with her for that time and we are still close today.
- In 2012 I attended the Mankind Project’s “New Warrior Training Adventure” weekend and later that year was on staff for an additional weekend. I haven’t continued to be part of that community.
- From 2012-2014 I attended 3 annual events, “Tantrapalooza” then the name changed to “Polypalooza” hosted by Kamala Devi and their extended community. I deeply appreciate the work they have done to create a sex-positive community where I live in San Diego. Kamala Devi and I have dialogued extensively about their later work with ISTA, and while we don’t agree in many of those discussions, their contribution and dedication to the San Diego sex-positive community has been incredibly significant and something I will always be grateful for.
- From 2012-2016 myself and my friend Obi Okorougo hosted a YouTube channel and podcast called “DudePanel” where we answered questions from women about men about sex, love and relationships. At it’s peak, we had over 25K subscribers, I loved working with Obi and we’re still friends today.
- In 2013 I attended the Landmark Forum, as well as the Advanced Course, also offered by Landmark. I repeated the Landmark Forum in 2016. I don’t recommend it, looking back on my experience I now have big issues with the organization and the teachings, however it took me a few years to see that from a distance. I described my experience with Landmark as well as ISTA (both use a similar “Large Group Awareness Training” model) in my essay “My Thoughts on ISTA“
- In 2013 I traveled to South Africa for a 9-day Animal Communication Safari led by Anna Breytenbach. It completely changed my relationship to the natural world in a profound way. I feel very lucky and privileged to have spent that time with her and the animals in the Imfolozi game reserve.
- In November of 2013 I attended a weekend course led by Charles Muir entitled “Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving”. I have not continued to be part of that community or follow Charles Muir’s work.
- In May of 2014 I helped run an event called “The Conference for Men” which was run by Michael Hrostoski, I was very involved in the planning and execution. We created a lot of beauty and growth that I’m proud of, and looking back now, I can see many things I would do differently today.
- In late 2014, after running many workshops and a few small retreats, my partner at the time (Paula) and I started IntimacyFest and the first one was held in June of 2015 and it ran every year through 2019.
…then I took a break!
Without getting too preachy about the importance of breaks and digesting things, I’ll say that the period of 2010-2014 was full-on go mode, and those are just the workshops I went to in the sexuality/relationships space. There was also coaching up the wazoo (both giving and receiving) as well as countless evening workshops and communities I was a part of. I also rode a bicycle from London to Turkey in the summer of 2011 and accumulated a lot of credit card debt.
After Paula and I returned from Bali in 2015 it was clear we needed a break, and after Paula and I broke up in 2016 it was even clearer. 2016-2018 for me was a nomadic period that involved a lot of traveling, introspection and digesting for me.
- In 2018 I moved in to an intentional community called “The Emerald Village” which is in rural San Diego County. This began my dive into the world of intentional community living, and it’s still something I’m very passionate about. I’m currently serving on the board of directors for the Foundation for Intentional Community and I’ve written several articles for Communities Magazine.
- In the spring of 2022, myself and a handful of concerned friends joined a public conversation, centered around former students of ISTA trainings that experienced being harmed, abused or abandoned, as a result of their participation. ISTA (International School of Temple Arts) is a world-wide organization started in 2007, that holds trainings for folks exploring the intersection of sexuality, shamanism and spirituality.
- After the public scuffle, myself and a few other friends formed an organization called 3SC (Safer Sex-Positive & Spiritual Communities) and in 2023 I participated in 30+ hours of mediated conversation with ISTA leadership with the intention to help them make necessary changes to their organization. I wrote reflections on that process in a piece called “Reflections on 30+ Hours of Mediated Conversations with ISTA Leadership“
- In 2024, after being invited to attend an ISTA training as a guest by some of the ISTA leadership, I attended an ISTA Level 1 training in Utah. While I don’t believe any major harm was done at that event, going to an ISTA training helped me see the systems in place that had been causing all the harm. I wrote about it in September of 2024 in an essay entitled “My Thoughts on ISTA“