---

---

On my right arm I have a tattoo that says “1+1=3”. Besides making for fun conversations with young children, it serves as a reminder to myself and others about the power of relationships.

I believe we all hold the keys to each other’s wholeness, and that’s both scary and exciting. We need each other, and no amount of debating or convincing ourselves otherwise will change that.

In 2015, my previous partner Paula and I gathered 40 adventurous adults together on a beautiful piece of land in rural California for 4 days, to explore authenticity, depth, trust, honesty and love. We called it IntimacyFest. It’s a space to learn about relationships, but it’s not a classroom — it’s a laboratory. We learn by doing, and we teach by role modeling.

I’m thrilled to be bringing this festival to New Zealand, and I’ve teamed up with two amazing women, Ellie and Jil to make this an event that will nourish and grow you in all the ways you need (and then some).

Thank you for trusting us, and thank you for believing in the power of relationships.

Love,
Dave

---

He aha te mea nui o te ao? Māku e kī atu.

He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.

What is the most important thing in the world?
I will tell you it is people… it is people… it is people.

---

What to Expect

• Gain real, applicable tools to deepen the connection in all your relationships.

• Safely lean into your edges of self-expression, vulnerability and honesty.

• Experience being seen, felt, and known and witness others as they receive that gift from you.

• Experience three full days of well-facilitated practices, connection games and workshops.

• Meet new friends who share your values of openness and authenticity.

• Get feedback about your blind spots by receiving caring and honest reflections from other people.

• Get plenty of personal time (in addition to meal breaks) to recharge and enjoy the beautiful land & surrounding nature.

• Slow down enough to listen to your body and feel your feelings.

• Allow yourself to drop your armour, walls and masks so you can experience being fully yourself.

• Get the chance to express yourself and be seen in your creative greatness at our Talent Show.

• Allow yourself to feel good in your own skin, and learn to trust your body’s wisdom and your authentic desires.

• Become a part of a pop-up community of new friends and allies who support who you want to be.

• Have a lot of fun!

Does intimacy mean sex?

This is a good question, and certainly one that’s on a lot of people’s minds. For us in how we use that word, the short answer is “no”.

And yet, not including our sexuality in who we are is one of the ways we repress our authentic self. We have no intention of denying our nature as sexual beings, and what we’ve found in running this event for five years is that intentionally bringing in sexual energy can also be a distraction.

None of the exercises we facilitate will involve sex acts, or intentionally be working with erotic energy. Participants are welcome to engage however they would like in their personal time.

Dave wrote a useful essay called On Cult-Dynamics, Sexuality and the Responsibility of Leadership to speak to some of the risks and responses to those risks that an event like IntimacyFest can pose.

So what does intimacy mean to you?

It’s a great question for all of us to consider, but I’ll give you my answer (this is Dave writing).

I believe intimacy is the thing we’re all seeking. It’s the quality of connection that we all want in every relationship, it’s the language of our heart, and it’s the deepest driver for so much of our behavior as humans.

On a more concrete level, I often define intimacy as simply “closeness”, but intimacy isn’t just a theory, it’s a felt experience. We’ve felt it with ourselves, we’ve felt it with nature, we’ve felt it with our families, and we’ve felt it with our friends, lovers and partners. We’ve felt it with total strangers, and we’ve felt the lack of it with people we’ve known a long time.

Intimacy is the experience of being loved and loving others. That’s my definition of it, and I’m curious what it means to you.

Location

Shakespear Lodge, Whangaparāoa, New Zealand

This is a reteat-style event, meaning we’re all living together on the land for the entire event. Accommodations and food are included in the price.

Internet & Phone Usage

We don’t have any specific phone usage policy, other than not taking pictures of people without their permission.

In our five years, we haven’t had to make any policies about phone usage, because we’ve found that when people have other things to do that are more fun and engaging than their phone, they limit phone usage naturally.

Food

There will be six meals (and mid-day snacks), all included in the price.

Tickets

IntimacyFest 2024 will be held Oct 25-28 in Whangaparāoa, New Zealand.

Tickets include the entire program, accommodations and all meals.

Lower Income Ticket: $650
Regular Price: $750
Pay it Forward: $850
Last Minute Lizzy Tickets: $850

Our budget from previous years is public, and can be viewed here.

Schedule

Friday
4-6pm—Guests Arrive
6pm—Dinner
7:30-9:30pm—Welcome & Connection Games

Saturday
8-9am—Wake Up & Personal Time
9-10am—Morning Movement
10-11am—Brunch
11am-1pm—Morning Workshop
1-3pm—Personal Time & Snack
3-6pm—Afternoon Workshop
7:30-10pm—Cuddle & Connection Games (Facilitated)

Sunday
8-9am—Wake Up & Personal Time
9-10am—Morning Movement
10-11am—Brunch
11am-1pm—Morning Workshop
1-3pm—Personal Time & Snack
3-6pm—Afternoon Workshop
6pm—Dinner
7:30-10pm—Talent Show

Monday
8-9am—Wake Up & Personal Time
9-10am—Morning Movement
10-11am—Brunch
11-1pm—Closing Circle

Pictures and Moments

Past Participant Testimonials

I frequently have friends ask me where to get started on their journey thru emotional/intimacy development & self-growth. This festival is so powerful, thoughtful, and created by people with intentions and heart in the right place. I’ll be there again this year. Can’t recommend it enough!

— Christina M. Host, T&A Talk Sex Podcast

---

I accessed superpowers I didn’t know I had. I healed wounds I didn’t know I had. I fell in love with so many of you.

I am grateful for it all.

— Kenny B., San Diego, California

---

I am humbled by the incredible courage, generosity and capacity for love at IntimacyFest.

Thank you for seeing me, thank you for your radiant smiles, your kind words, your passion and incredible role modeling of authenticity and responsible clear communication.

— Melanie B.

---

I feel full of love and life. Meeting you so totally in the raw is changing the direction of my entire life. An amazing life. Thank you for guiding me closer to myself. I look forward being in your radiance and presence soon.

— Buster R., Gothenburg, Sweden

---

I’m still smiling. Thank you all for making my world such a beautiful place.

— Sarah W.

---

My heart got stretched, twisted and expanded in one amazing weekend.

After leaving the last festival disillusioned and disappointed at the lack of true human connection… this tiny event was exactly what head wanted and my heart needed.

Each day there were only two hours where you weren’t testing yourself and others to be as brutally honest and loving as humanly possible. At times it was uncomfortable, awkward and downright scary for a man like myself, but at the end I emerged a much better person.

35 people attended. I made 34 friends I’ll recognize by name next year from all over the world. The level of love, honesty, consideration, negotiation and consent was unprecedented.

Even Burning Man needs to see this level of radical inclusion.

The people were from all ages and walks of life. Incredible people who had so many amazing things to share. From the organizers, the teachers and each and every individual… each person contributed greatly. Seriously amazing.

— Adam C.

---

The Hosts & Facilitators

Hi I’m Ellie. I’m an intimacy geek. Truth is, way back I was struggling so hard in the area of intimacy and relating that I decided I needed some help. This took me to many wierd and whacky, but also wonderful places . I learnt that sometimes my truth will piss others off and that’s okay. I learnt that boundaries are an act of self love. I learnt the more I can reveal myself, if the other person is able to lean in too, the closer we can become. I learning that a doorway for to greater connection for me is through sharing our vulnerabilities.I still sometimes find myself running away from the intimacy I want but these days I can usually catch it, and if I have capacity even though it’s uncomfortable I lean in.

I facilitated with ISTA 2012-2022 (International School of Temple Arts) and co-founded the Eden Festival. I left both organizations once I discovered the healing power of somatic trauma resolution and experienced a whole new way of holding myself and others in the pursuit of transformation. I bring with me a wealth of experience of group journeys and a deep compassion for our shared humanity. I’m a mother, a Somatic therapist and Somatic Sex and intimacy Coach. Most mornings you’ll find me wandering the beach with my golden retriever Luna.

I’m Jil, a therapist, a facilitator, a mother and a lover. I dance between the scientific and the spiritual, the mainstream and the mystical. I bring my deep love for ritual and ceremony to integrate with somatic psychology, process work and embodied counseling – supporting people in feeling more ease, safety, aliveness, and fulfillment in their bodies, relationships and lives. As a therapist, I support clients with a mind and body-based approach to mental and physical health, trauma recovery, and emotional well-being. As a facilitator, I love to weave brave spaces for the exploration of pleasure, connection, and intimacy. As a mother and a lover, I believe deeply in love. Over and over I’ve experienced the power of love to heal, to bridge, to connect and to awaken. And my belief in the restorative power of love is my ‘why’ for being part of IntimacyFest Aoteraoa. I’m so excited to bring my lived experience to dance with yours as we live, work and play together for four days of building incredible intimacy.

Dave Booda is a writer, musician and social entrepreneur. He is the co-founder of IntimacyFest and hosts The Darkness Experiment. He has led over 450 workshops on connection, touch and relationships and has consulted for and facilitated experiences for companies, communities, retreats, festivals, conferences, birthday parties, weddings, funerals, and gatherings of all kinds — with the intention to inspire authenticity, connection and group cohesion. He has published over 200 essays for boodaism.com and played over 1000 shows as a touring singer/songwriter. He is a former Naval Officer and graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy, currently serving on the board of directors for the Foundation for Intentional Community while living in rural San Diego, California.

For further reading you can view a list of Dave’s history with the sacred sexuality community, and you can also read his piece “On Cult-Dynamics, Sexuality and the Responsibility of Leadership“. Both were written for this event in New Zealand.

---

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Should I be attending with a partner? Is this for couples?

Not necessarily. While attending IntimacyFest with a partner would be brilliant, it is by no means necessary or even typical. Our focus is on the individual. There will be many people there who are flying solo, in fact attending alone often gives you the chance to meet and connect with more people.

2. What if I don’t know anyone going? Is that okay?

Lots of people come to IntimacyFest not knowing anyone. Because IntimacyFest is a small festival (typically between 35-50 people) everyone gets to know each other very quickly. In many ways, this is a perfect festival to go to if you don’t know anyone, because the exercises and games are designed to create group cohesion and bonding.

3. Will there be nudity?

The location is private, and people are welcome to be naked if they’d like, but it’s not an event where that is particularly endorsed or seen as a goal.

4. Is intimacy about sex?

The short answer is “no”. We use the word “intimacy” to describe a simple feeling of closeness, which can include sexual energy, but can also be very easily limited by it. None of the exercises or events will involve any sex acts or intentional sexual energy.

5. If I’ve recently been through a big upheaval, am recently separated and/or struggle from feeling isolated is this event appropriate for me?

It’s hard to say whether this event is for anyone, because every situation requires personal inquiry and consideration. What we can say is that this event is not designed to overwhelm you, intentionally trigger you or demand more of you than you can reasonably give.

It’s a great place to be yourself, and that can (and should) include the messy parts. We believe that when we share our difficulties with each other we end up feeling less alone.

6. Are drugs and/or alcohol allowed?

Yes and no. We support the use of medication and/or substances when it’s used to support participants being more present, or when it’s needed due to medical conditions. We don’t allow substances that are used to escape, disassociate or when being used recreationally.

Is there a clear line between what is used to escape and what is used to aid in someone’s general well-being? Unfortunately, no. Everything is a case-by-case basis, depending on your needs. Please email Ellie or email Dave with questions, we’re happy to talk more about it.

7. Does this festival promote polyamory or open relationships?

No, this is a festival for people in all relationship styles.

8. What time does it start and end?

Guests arrive between 4-6pm, and our first event is a group meal at 6:30pm. On Monday we do a closing circle right after brunch, and typically we’re done around 1pm.

9. Can I come for 1 day?

No, all of our guests arrive Friday afternoon and stay until Monday, there are no one or two day passes. We start together, and we finish together.

10. Is IntimacyFest LGBTQ friendly?

Yes, we have people of all kinds of sexual orientations and gender expressions. The exercises and workshops aren’t based on gender, polarity and are not designed in a hetero-normative way. We start from a place of humans relating with humans.

11. Are kids allowed?

No, we love kids but this is an adult-only event.

12. What is your cancellation policy?

Life happens, we understand. You may get a full refund up to 1 month before the event, then 50% after that up until 2 weeks prior. After that, tickets are non-refundable.

13. Is there a refund policy?

Yes. You may contact us up to 6 months after the event for a refund. For more on this policy and why it’s in place, read our full refund policy.

Got another question?

Send Ellie an email: hello@ellie-wilde.com
Send Dave an email: davebooda@gmail.com

---

Join the mailing list to be notified of the latest IntimacyFest updates.

Leave this field empty if you're human:

---

Kurt Vonnegut tells his wife he’s going out to buy an envelope:

“Oh, she says, well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And see some great looking babies. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And I’ll ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know. The moral of the story is – we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And it’s like we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”

(from the book “Man Without A Country” by Kurt Vonnegut)

you’re still here?

you want more?

that’s it, there’s nothing more to say

but since you’re still here

and you seem to be really good at scrolling

I’ll say one thing

(this is Dave speaking)

I miss how weird in the internet used to be

remember the early days?

before marketing departments ran websites?

when people read blogs?

I do

the internet used to help us be quirky

it used to help us express ourselves

now it mostly encourages us to fit in

and live for artificial rewards on social media platforms

IntimacyFest is like the internet in 2002

we’re high-touch

old-school

and we want to celebrate your weirdness

so if you scrolled this far

I’d like to offer you something

$50 off a ticket to IntimacyFest

email me at davebooda@gmail.com

with the subject line “weird”.

💋